Help for Parents and Child Care Providers with Challenging Children

Why do children misbehave?

What we see as misbehaving is usually a child’s way of acting and reacting to the world around him, given his personality, skills, and what adults have taught him.

• Many times, young children will act out to communicate if they do not yet have words to express themselves.

• Sometimes, children also have feelings that they cannot express.

• Children may have tantrums if they do not get what they want and are frustrated.

• They may have learned from watching or listening to adults.

• They may be testing their limits with adults to see what they are allowed to do.

• Children may also be experimenting with their world and learning how to behave with others.

At times, young children may act aggressively by grabbing items they want, hitting to show anger, biting when they can’t say what they need to, or doing things that they are not allowed to do.

What can adults do?

• Discipline is teaching children what to do. Be sure that you give children directions about what you want, not just what you do not want. (Instead of “Don’t jump on the sofa!”, try “Sofas are for sitting. Please sit down.”)

• Set a good example yourself and limit children’s exposure to violent TV shows and games. Children learn to do what they see.

• Give children choices that are acceptable to you so that they can have some control. (“Would you like peas or corn for dinner tonight?”) This can help with power struggles.

• Be consistent. Be sure that all adults are giving the same messages to the child about what is expected behavior.

• Let children have consequences from their behavior, as long as this will not hurt them. (For example, if a child throws a toy, take the toy away and place it out of reach for 20 minutes. Explain that you are doing this because he threw the toy and he can have it back in 20 minutes.

• If a child is having a tantrum, the best thing to do is to make sure the child is safe and then ignore the tantrum. If the child does not get what he wants, the tantrums will probably stop. If it works and he gets what he wants, he will do it again.

• Give children names for their feelings and let them know feelings are OK to talk about.

• If you see signs that a child is about to bite or hit, you may be able to head it off by asking the child what he wants and saying the words for him if he does not have them yet. (“I see that you want the juice. Can you say juice?”)

• If you think a child is about to be aggressive to get attention, give the child a hug, or softly rub his back if you are doing something you cannot completely stop, like talking on the phone. This will meet his need for attention in a positive way so that he will not need to get attention in a negative way.

• Be sure to see your doctor or call CCC’s School Readiness program (547-4282) if you think your child is acting out because he or she is behind in speech.

• Also see your doctor or call CCC’s School Readiness program (547-4282) if you think your child is behind in other areas of development, such as vision, hearing, moving normally or solving problems.

• If you have any questions or would like more information about behavior, call CCC’s Project Challenge at 547-4280.

If you think a child is having behavior problems in child care, parents and child care providers can call CCC’s Project Challenge (547-4280) for help.
Project Challenge staff work with parents and caregivers on an ongoing basis to help children be more successful in the child care environment and at home.

Eligibility for Project Challenge:

• The child is 0-5 years of age

• Attending a child care setting

• Having behavioral or emotional concerns in that setting

For Training Information
Project Challenge also offers training for providers who would like to work more effectively with challenging children. For more information, call 547-4280.